I remember this photo shoot well… we were on a beautiful beach in sunny Barbados, near the hotel where we’d spent the last few nights. All the exotic sights, sounds, scents, and tastes of this Caribbean island shimmered around us. A few nights ago I’d shared the stage with Regina Belle at the Barbados Music Awards. Rihanna was nominated, but couldn’t make it, but my favorite soca songstress was there – Alyson Hinds. I met her backstage and she congratulated me on my performance. OMG! Such a glamorous night, and now, a photo shoot on the beach… this must be heaven.
I remember another day by the water, many years earlier. Saturday morning. Wake up. Hurry. Get ready for work. My boyfriend and my best friend were both in town and I wasn’t looking forward to spending another warm, summer day in a dreary hospital. I know I was supposed to feel good about helping people get better, but I never saw them get better – the better they they got, the less they needed X-Rays. I was being bleak and uncharitable, but I felt so… un-alive. 9 years and counting, and I felt like my spirit was on a respirator. I would zone out and realize my hands and arms had executed tasks perfectly without any aide from my mind. X-ray… stat X-ray… CAT scan… portable X-Ray… X-Ray… stat X-ray…
I took a hot shower and got dressed, then walked to the Staten Island ferry. But instead of going to the platform where the other commuters gathered. I walked down a small winding path to the water’s edge. I was alone down here… and it was beautiful. The sound of the water on the rocks seemed to whisper secrets. The breeze against my face and arms quietly made promises. I felt peace… I felt home. I sat by the waters and called my job and told them I wouldn’t be coming back. When my supervisor offered me a raise, I knew I’d made the right decision. Oh course I did go back – I gave them 2 weeks and then I cleared my locker.
My life since then has not been all limos and photo shoots on the caribbean beaches, actually very little of it has been. But I’m awake, I’m not sleep walking through my life. I feel alive again. I believe dreams are the blueprint of our souls, they hold the power that is you. They are the trail through life’s dark forrest that leads home, so I encourage you to follow your’s… it’s never too late to live your life.